


disparate youth

by heretowinbitch



Category: Good Girls (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/M, First Love, Flashbacks, Slow Burn, eventual canon tie-in
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-02-29 09:23:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18775423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heretowinbitch/pseuds/heretowinbitch
Summary: this is a "what if" that turned into a monster:what if beth and rio were around the same age?what if they both went to high school in detroit?what if they met as teens and their chemistry was off the charts?what if he wasn't always cagey and secretive?what if  -  for just a short time  -  she didn't put everyone else first?------titles from songs featured in the show because this soundtrack is amazing.





	1. mixed-up, shook-up girl

the alarm blares,beth groans,and reluctantly throws the covers off of her body,already mourning the loss of the comfortable warmth that had existed moments before.

6:08am. she'd started to set it that way because if it went off at 6, she'd hit snooze until quarter after, and she'd barely get out of the house on time. 6:08 meant no snooze, and just enough time to get ready and go.

"time to get up!"she calls too loudly as she throws on the light in annie's room.the younger girl yells in protest,but beth can already see her stirring, and is confident enough that she'll get up on her own.

by the time her sister appears in the kitchen, she's far more alert than when beth left her in the bedroom,and she sits at the table where cereal is already waiting.beth is dressed in jeans and a light sweater,her hair pulled up in a ponytail,and she's still trying to shake the sleep from her limbs.

it's been like this for a while now,beth taking care of the morning routine -   _all of the routines_ ,  really - and it's as though a constant state of exhaustion looms over her around every turn.she tamps it down by throwing herself into it - their routine,her schoolwork,everything.their mother hasn't been an active part of raising them since she got sick  ( or at least, that's what   _beth_   calls it in her head, but really she just seems tired all. of. the. time. ),  and so it had fallen on beth to pick up the slack."don't forget you have scouts after school,"she murmurs into a cup of coffee.it tastes   _gross_   and bitter,  but with a little bit of sugar and a lot of milk it's palatable - and necessary to get her through the day.

"no, i'm quitting,"annie replies matter-of-factly as she gets up to rinse her bowl out in the sink.beth doesn't have the energy to argue,and figures they can table it for later.they have to leave soon if she's going to have time to walk annie to school and get to homeroom in time, anyway.she rinses her mug,washes her hands,and grabs her backpack from where it sits on one of the chairs.

"shoes,"she reminds, looking pointedly down at her sister's feet.this earns her a giggle, and beth rolls her eyes but has to laugh a little in return.

* * *

 when she gets to school,dean is already waiting by her locker in a group with his friends, and he's wearing a grin so wide it makes her blush.

she'd never expected a senior to be interested in her,but they've been almost inseparable for weeks.

"bethie!"   she catches the way his friends roll their eyes,  probably equally confused as to why he'd want to spend his time with a _sophomore_ ,  but they don't say anything before dispersing,  leaving the two of them alone.she barely has time to drop her books in her locker before he's caging her in,fingers toying with the hem of her sweater, and beth has to lean her head back against the locker to look up at him.

" _dean_ ,"she hisses in warning,but her tone is playful and not annoyed."we're in the hallway,we'll get in trouble."he isn't even really touching her,but the intent is implied,and it makes her nervous and a little bit uncomfortable. _just jitters_ ,she tells herself,jitters she'll need to get over before prom in a couple of weeks - beth knows what it means, what people   _do_ after prom,   what dean _expects_.she has to be ready.

she's definitely not ready. 

"c'mon _bethie_ ,"he murmurs against her ear, and she laughs a little breathlessly,a firm hand against his chest.

"i have to get to homeroom, i'll see you after third, okay?"she presses a chaste kiss to his lips,and dean groans in quiet frustration,but it's enough of a distraction that she slips under his arm and makes her escape,smiling sweetly at him over her shoulder.

no, she's   _definitely_   not ready. 

* * *

 

homeroom is uneventful.morning announcements remind everyone that the prom committee is still looking for volunteers to stay after school and help with planning.normally this would be right up beth's alley,but she doesn't have time with all of the responsibilities at home,and besides - lower classmen usually get the leftover jobs that no one wants after the juniors and seniors take their pick.she sighs,  distracted,  and makes a note in her planner to talk to annie's scout leader later,  see if she can find out why she wants to _quit_.

there's a pop quiz in bio.she's as prepared as she can be,but it still settles uncomfortably,making her feel like something isn't right.she smothers the feeling down,dutifully filling out the multiple choice bubbles and handing the paper in with a smile once she's done.her chest feels tight,but beth ignores it,opening her book to the unit they've been working on,and perusing the next part while a few stragglers finished their quizzes.

she doesn't even realize she's started to doze off until someone moves their desk and the metal against linoleum makes a scraping sound so loud that it  _startles_ her.   no one seems to notice that she'd been falling asleep,  and she forces herself to refocus on the words in the book,  finding the part the teacher was referring to as she wrote notes on the chalkboard.   she   _really_   needs to get it together.  that pressure in her chest is growing,  and she doesn't know what it is or how to stop it---

so she ignores it again.

* * *

 

dean's waiting for her again,his friends standing around in a semi circle,  and she has to say excuse me -  _twice_  - to jessica  ( one of dean's teammate's girlfriends )  before she takes notice and shifts enough to let beth pass so that she can trade out her books.she stifles a huff at the girl,  her rudeness,  and the general look of  _judgment_   she gets from her at any given time.dean doesn't seem to notice,and he slings an arm around beth,leaning to whisper in her ear.

"so we were talking about getting a   _hotel_   for after prom."   even though he speaks quietly, it's obvious by the roll of jessica's eyes that she hears and doesn't exactly care for the idea - or maybe just the idea of beth being there - and beth flushes,  in part out of frustration and in part because she knows what this   _means_. 

"i don't know, dean."   he wears a smile that she knows is just the prelude to whatever sales pitch he has ready - like father like son, apparently - but he's cut off by jessica's annoyance. 

"i   _told_   you, she doesn't want to come - and honestly   _deansie_ ,"   there's a pout on the other girl's lips that twists something inside of beth, and she shoots her a glare that goes unnoticed. 

"she's like  ---a _child_ ,  why would you want to take   _her_ anyway,  she probably has _curfew_."  

beth does not have curfew, mostly because her mother would never notice enough to enforce it,  but she doesn't say that,  just turns redder than before.  

dean is already coming to her defense when beth shrugs off his arm.

"i'm gonna head to the library before english,"  she tells him,  turning her back toward jessica and the others,  and ignoring the outburst entirely.  she's feeling on the verge of something terrible, like dread is unfurling within her, and she just needs to get   _away_. 

beth doesn't kiss him this time,  just heads toward the library,  leaving dean staring open mouthed behind her.  she can hear him chastising jessica in quiet tones, but beth can't make out the words, and she doesn't care.

 

* * *

 

it comes crashing down during sixth period algebra - the feeling that has been threatening to suffocate her all day.it had started as a light pressure in her chest, but now it's grown into this monster that can't be ignored.she'd been writing down formulas,her mind wandering to the things she has to do after school, the rest she has to do tomorrow,  the prom committee she can't be on,  the plans dean wants to make for prom,  his friends and their disapproval of her,  _the hotel_.

she gulps for air,feeling like she can't get her lungs full enough, and she doesn't realize how bad it is until she's almost gasping with the effort.

before she knows it,beth is walking swiftly for the door of the classroom,paying no mind to the way she's not poised and in control like she normally is.the teacher doesn't ask questions - she's a straight A student,  after all,  likely that she needs a bathroom break,  not that she'd be getting into any kind of trouble.

_of course_ ,  the bathroom down the hall is occupied,and as soon as she walks in and hears the chatting of two girls beyond her line of vision,  beth whirls around and heads in the other direction. 

air, she needs _air_ ,  and the insistence of it is upon her like a weight on her chest.

students aren't allowed to go outside during class time,but beth only gives it a passing thought before pressing on the handle of the heavy door that leads outside,and rushing out into the fresh air.  

she breathes,deep and calming breaths,and her lungs seem to thank her almost immediately,but she still finds herself coughing-it had been _too much_ ,too fast - leaning over with her hands on her knees.

"shouldn't you be in class?" 

the voice startles her,and she jumps halfway out of her skin,looking up to see a boy about her age - but one she's never seen before - leaning against the wall next to the doors she'd just come out through. 

"shouldn't _you_?"she retorts in a raw voice,another bout of coughing taking over. 

"nah,i don't go here,"he says casually,as if it makes all the sense in the world that he'd be leaning against the building of a school he _doesn't attend_.   she'd roll her eyes if she had the energy.  he steps closer,suddenly,and beth steps back.

" _relax_ ,sweetheart,.need to straighten up,put your hands up - open your diaphragm."he stops his approach,but straightens his own spine,pressing his hands to the top of his head in demonstration,and takes a deep breath.beth follows suit.

"i feel _ridiculous_ ,"she says,scowling.

"sure,butyou ain't coughing no more, huh?"  

she _isn't_ ,beth realizes, and she gapes at him,  stuck somewhere between asking him what he's doing at her school if he doesn't go there and thanking him for the tip.she doesn't get the chance to do either,  and something tells her he's attuned to the inner struggle going on.

he smirks at her,nodding.

"yeah - see you 'round,sweetheart." 

 

she doesn't realize she's _blushing_ until he's disappeared around the corner. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter focuses mostly on beth and annie as well as beth and dean - don't worry, i promise it's a brio fic.
> 
> i wrote this on my phone with minimal editing/proofreading so please forgive any errors <3


	2. dreamers

_this life is only what you want it to be_

_and i want more_

* * *

 

 

"what is   _with  you_ ,   today?"   ruby blurts out,  suddenly  -  or maybe it's not so sudden,  maybe beth has just been caught up in her own thoughts for so long that she's missed the last several minutes of a conversation of which she was meant to be one half. 

"what?  nothing - "   she's immediately on the defensive,  and her cheeks warm with the feeling that her best friend has caught her in a lie,  and will be calling her out on it in 3.. 2..

" _nothing_ ,"  ruby mocks in her best elizabeth marks impression ( it's not too bad,  honestly,  but beth glares at her anyway ).  "come   _on_   beth,  you've been distracted all day.  it's like as soon as i start saying something you're off in another world somewhere and i   _know_   i'm not that boring."    before she can protest,  ruby stops her with one outstretched hand,  palm out.    "nuh uh,  don't even try it,  christopher said you   _ran out_   in the middle of algebra.   _ran out_ ,  beth.  of class.  you know,  that place where you're supposed to be that perfect student that always makes the rest of us  _look bad_.   so spill it  - who   _are_   you and what have you done with my best friend?"

she opens her mouth to respond,  closes it again,  as ruby continues to look at her expectantly,  both hands on her hips and wearing an expression of impatience.  beth sighs.

"dean wants to get a hotel room for after prom."

it's not what she'd been thinking about,  not even close.  beth had been thinking about the encounter outside of the school,  the unnamed boy  ( why hadn't she asked his name ?  how had she been so frazzled from such a short conversation that she'd stood there dumbfounded as he walked away ? )  who'd taken one look at her and known exactly what she needed to do in order to bring her back from the edge of what she's   _pretty sure_   was a panic attack.   she'd been thinking about the way he smirked at her as though in the span of one minute,  he'd learned all there was to know about her and it had.. amused him?  she'd been thinking about the way his mouth formed around the word   _sweetheart_ ,   and how it felt way too intimate for someone she'd just met,  who didn't know her name,  or anything about her.   

she'd been thinking about how she wanted to see him again,  but had no _clue_   how to make that happen.

"oh my god,  you can't even   _say it_   without blushing!"  

she pulls her legs up underneath her on the picnic table.  annie is off a little ways away,  running around with some of her friends from school,  and honestly - the park is one of beth's favorite places to get homework done.   _home_   just never feels comfortable enough these days.  she hasn't gotten much done,  however,  having been too caught up in her own thoughts.

ruby's still staring at her as though she's grown another head,  and - finally - beth rolls her eyes.  "it's a   _big  deal_ ,  rube,  i don't know what to do."    ruby and dean don't know each other that well yet,  but she's been encouraging the relationship since the day she found out about dean asking beth to prom.   he's cute,  he's on the football team,   _popular_ ( not that beth really cares about that,  or particularly likes any of dean's friends,  but that doesn't seem to matter where popularity is concerned ),  his dad owns a business - that dean will take over someday - and all of that makes him a great catch.  apparently.

and it's not as though beth doesn't _like_ dean.  she _does_.  he's funny and he smiles at her like she's the most important person in the world,  he makes her feel special,  and it's been a while since she's felt special.

 

in that moment,  _sweetheart_   echoes in her head,  and beth can feel herself blushing again.

 

"i mean,  not to tell you your business,"  ruby says with raised brows,  leaning back against the table and peering up at her.  "but it looks like you're into the idea  -  i don't think i've ever   _seen_   you blush so much,  and you've been distracted   _all afternoon_."    

"it's not that."  she sighs,  feeling guilty for not spilling about her little meltdown the moment ruby had met her after school.  "you know how i left algebra?"  ruby nods.  "well - i think i started to have a panic attack or something,  and - "

 

"looks like you got it all handled now, though, huh sweetheart?"

 

beth freezes.  but by the look ruby shoots directly over her shoulder - wide-eyed and questioning - this time it didn't come from in her  _head_.   confirmation comes in the form of a quick squeeze to her shoulder as he rounds the table,  two other guys beside him,  and nods at her as he walks by,  his hand trailing down her arm,  eyes intense while he watches her.  "told you it would work."

she's staring at his back for a long time as he continues walking,  not sparing another glance in her direction,  and beth is pretty sure she's forgotten how to   _breathe_   when ruby breaks the silence.

"um...  _what_   was  _that_?"

* * *

the rest of the conversation at the park had been a lot of ruby demanding answers and beth seemingly unable to form words to give them.   _no_ ,  she doesn't know that guy - not really,  she doesn't even know his  _name_.   _no_ ,  he doesn't go to their school.   _yes_ ,  they sort of met while she was having trouble breathing out behind the door near the math hall and he helped her get a hold of herself.   _yes_ ,  she   _does_   know he's hot,  she's not blind,  and   _yes_   she is very much aware of the fact that he touched her as he walked by and   _no_   she did not see the way he looked at her like he wanted to eat her alive  -  _don't be so dramatic,  ruby_.

it had ended with ruby reminding beth a little pointedly that she's with   _dean_ ,  and that she should probably stop daydreaming about some boy she doesn't even know.

there hadn't been much time to argue,  as the sky chose that very moment to open up and dump cold rain on top of them,  forcing the girls to gather annie and run back toward their neighborhood in a chorus of anxious laughter.  

 

but ruby had been   _right_ ,  beth reflects now,  and does her best to push the thoughts that have been with her since rushing out of class to the back of her mind.

 

"shoes off!"  she yells after annie before her sister can track mud all through the house,  giving beth yet   _another_   chore to complete before bed tonight.  "i'll run you a bath,  okay?  go pick out pjs and we'll figure out something for dinner after."   annie nods,  still laughing,  water droplets raining down from the ends of her hair onto the floor as she drops her shoes on the mat.  at least _that_  can be sopped up with a towel.  beth kicks off her own shoes,  a grimace on her face as she steps in the puddle left from her sister's hair,  soaking the bottom of her socks  -  one of her least favorite sensations.   

annie obediently starts shuffling through her drawers,  and beth sighs in relief that there won't be a fight about bath time today,  she's too exhausted,  and looking forward to a hot shower herself.  for now,  she turns on the faucet and waits for the water to get hot  -  but not  _too  hot_   -  before stopping the drain and pouring in some bubbles.   they're almost empty,  and she makes a note to add it to the shopping list on the fridge.  

on her way back to the kitchen,  beth peeks in on their mother.  she's watching something on the small TV that sits on her dresser,  eyes half-lidded,  listless in her bed.  she doesn't notice beth standing there,  and beth makes no move to alert her to her presence. 

not so long ago,  beth had held onto the hope that one day her mother would wake up and all of this would be behind them.  there would be breakfast cooking on the stove,  lunches prepared,  the house clean,  and beth would have had to do none of it  -  nothing beyond just being a teenager and all the stuff that kids her age were supposed to do. 

it had been a nice wish,  but beth has had to live in the real world for too long,  and she can't afford to sit around and wait for it to come true.  she closes the door quietly,  heading back to the kitchen to take stock of the dinner options. 

in the end,  beth figures,  she can't go wrong with spaghetti,  and puts a pot of water on to boil.

"put away the rejects,  annie,"  she instructs with a sigh as she passes her sister's room again to see multiple articles of clothing strewn across the floor and the bed.  annie turns to her with a look of defiance,  but beth just shakes her head. she must   _look_   too tired to deal,  because annie just groans and begins to pick up the mess. 

when she returns to the bathroom,  the water is almost at the perfect level. beth retrieves two towels and a wash cloth from the linen closet,  setting one towel on the floor beside the tub,  the washcloth on the edge of it,  and the towel on the sink for after.  there's a basket under the sink of bath toys that she wonders if her sister has grown out of,  but sets on the closed toilet seat just in case.  it's mostly barbies and other dolls with their hair cut off  ( because annie is nothing if not destructive ),  but it keeps her occupied,  so beth doesn't question it. 

"i'm making pasta,"  she tells annie as they pass in the hallway - one toward the kitchen,  the other toward the bathroom.  "extra cheese please!" comes the reply just before her sister disappears to take her bath,  leaving the door cracked the way beth has taught her,  so that beth can hear if she needs anything.  she pulls out the plastic shaker of cheese and a jar of sauce before dumping the pasta in the boiling water.  for a moment,  beth is   _sure_   she catches movement in the backyard as she walks by the window over the sink,  but when she stops and looks more carefully,  there's nothing there.  probably just a bird,  or a stray cat,  she tries to tell herself,  and reason with her suddenly pounding heart. 

 

not even five seconds later,  there's a knock at the back door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! comments and constructive criticism are always welcome!  
> feel free to send me prompts for one-shots while i continue to work on this monster.


	3. young hearts

_tangled in knots_

_what a way to get caught_

_it was worth the ride - ask anyone_

* * *

 

"you can't just show up here unannounced."   

the words are a harsh whisper,  and beth's eyes glance toward the hall where she can hear annie splashing around in the tub before returning to where her visitor sits at one of the island stools,  watching her with an amused grin on his face.

"c'mon bethie,"  dean croons,  almost pouting.  "annie knows me and it's not like your mom will care."

her gaze snaps up  -  hard and with an edge of fire beneath it  -  to meet his the moment the words are left there between them,  and dean must have realized his mistake immediately,  because he's already raising his hands in a gesture of surrender,  apologies spilling from his lips.  "you know what i mean,  you have a super dope setup  - basically have the freedom to do whatever you want,  i mean  -  i   _wish_   i had that."   if he's aware of the depths of the hole he's digging himself,  he shows no indication of it,  and beth huffs before turning to stir the pasta again.

"yeah,  because it's  _super_   _dope_   to have to do   _everything_   while still trying to maintain honor roll."   the bitterness in her voice must alert him to beth's dissatisfaction with his comments,  because he's behind her in seconds,  arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her close.  "aw bethie,  i'm sorry,  i just meant -"  he struggles to find words to make up for the blunder,  but instead of coming up with anything helpful,  he presses a kiss behind her ear,  her neck,  and her shoulder before beth wriggles away.  "not now,  dean.  i need to finish dinner and study for history,  and do laundry and -"   another huff,  and she sidesteps his next attempt to touch her,  moving to retrieve the colander from the cabinet next to the stove. 

"fine."  he's irritated,  she can hear it in his voice,  but beth doesn't turn to look at him again,  just busies herself with dumping the pasta into the colander and stirring the sauce that's heating on the stove.  "we still need to talk about prom,"  he says after silence seems to stretch uncomfortably between them,  and beth sighs.  "if your friends are getting hotel rooms,  then i guess we should too."  it's a few weeks away,  still,  maybe she can get her head in the right space,  maybe they'll be so busy partying,  that nothing will happen. 

she risks a glance back at him,  and dean is beaming,  his annoyance forgotten.  "oh bethie that's great!"  he's behind her again,  wrapping her up in his arms and she can't help but smile a little at his excitement.  "now,  you just need to get your mom to sign the post-prom thing saying you're not going.  or i guess you can just forge her signature?"  he turns her so she's facing him and beth frowns,  but nods.  post-prom is the school's solution to teen pregnancy or partying or something,  and anyone going to prom but   _not_   attending needs a parent's signature so that they can leave.  she's been signing her mother's name for the better part of a year,  anyway,  so what's one more?

dean leans in to kiss her,  and she lets herself get pulled into it for a moment before the splashing sounds coming from the bathroom interrupt,  and beth leans back,  laughing.  "okay,  i have to finish this -"  she waves a hand toward the not yet assembled pieces of dinner,  and shoves playfully at his shoulder.  "go home,  i'll see you tomorrow."   he's frowning,  and disappointed,  and beth knows he feels they're wasting an opportunity,  that she has this place without any real parental guidance and yet they're not rushing to have a make-out sesh in her room during every available moment.  but she doesn't want to,  not tonight,  not most of the time,  not until she's comfortable with being alone with him,  comfortable with the thought that it might go further.  

she's not.  not  _yet_.

"okay,"  he concedes finally,  pressing a final kiss to the top of her head,  and she smiles at him as he heads out the back door,  closing it harder than necessary.  her smile fades a moment later.

"annie!  you better not be making a mess up there!"  of course,  this earns her a bout of laughter,  and beth rolls her eyes before turning to dump the pasta in the pot with the sauce and mixing it all together.  she dumps on way more parmesan cheese than is necessary,  and covers it all with foil so that it stays warm while she goes to get her sister moving.

* * *

the next few days pass somewhat uneventfully.  annie drops out of journey scouts ( it's not worth the fight,  annie never sticks with anything,  and beth isn't as good as her mother used to be at convincing her otherwise ),  beth passes her history test with extra credit,  and if she starts excusing herself for bathroom breaks toward the end of every algebra class - no one seems to notice.   there's this inexplicable pull toward that space outside,  and the guy who'd been there,  and it's silly and stupid and she wants to ignore it.  but while beth has absolutely no clue what she'll say to him if she sees him again,  she can't stop herself from trying.

she works hard to mask her disappointment every time the alcove outside of the math hall turns up empty.

on friday,  there's an assembly during 6th period to discuss the temptations of prom,  and how to avoid them.  beth sits through it obediently,  listening to the same lectures about peer pressure they've all heard for years,  and tries not to feel so bummed out about the fact that she can't make her little trip outside. 

it doesn't matter,  it's not as though he'll be there anyway. 

besides,  she has dress shopping to look forward to with ruby.  ruby isn't going to prom  -  both her and her boyfriend are sophomores  -  but she insisted on going with beth to look for a dress,  assuming  ( correctly )  that beth would likely end up trying to make herself something to wear out of pieces of old garments sewn together.  while beth is pretty handy with a sewing machine,  ruby has expressed that in no universe will she allow her best friend to go to prom -  especially when she's going with a  _senior_   -  wearing a patchwork dress.  beth had only agreed to this little shopping trip on the condition that they would visit second-hand stores,  rather than the pricey boutiques where most girls get their dresses.

she's walking through the double doors that lead outside,  where beth and ruby have plans to meet,  when she feels a hand at her wrist,  pulling her from the throng of students fleeing the building for whatever weekend activities are clearly more important than school.  beth has to force her legs to catch up with the movement  -  lest she fall flat on her face  -  and bite down a yell of protest before she realizes who's tugging on her arm,  and her heart seems to climb its way into her throat.

" _you_ ,"   she accuses breathlessly once he's apparently satisfied with the distance placed between them and the entrance to the school.  he just smirks at her,  one brow elevated in that amused sort of way that she's already so familiar with  -  and she doesn't even know his name.  "me,"   he confirms with more smugness than beth thinks one person should contain,  and she only realizes   _then_   that he still has a hold of her wrist,  and yanks it free from his grasp.  this is apparently extremely entertaining to him,  the smirk growing wider,  and beth can feel the flush rising against her cheeks.  "what do you  _want_?"  she demands in a voice that's far harsher than one might expect for a girl who has   _literally_   been thinking about him every day and going out of her way to try and see him.  but her arms are crossed over her chest,  eyes hard on him,  stance rigid,  and she huffs in feigned annoyance.

the problem is,  she's not annoyed,  not even a little bit.  she'd been wanting to see him,  to ask his name,  to find out where he's from,  to learn everything about this boy who'd waltzed into her life out of nowhere and stayed planted in her thoughts ever since.  but she doesn't want him to know any of that  -  and beth isn't sure   _why_   that is  -  so she keeps herself closed off,  armor on,  sharpened like the edge of a blade he might cut himself on if he gets too close.

he shrugs.  "you didn't show."

as quickly as it had flared,  beth's annoyance fizzles,  and she blinks at him for a moment,  not quite understanding.  she opens her mouth to question what he's talking about,  closes it again when nothing comes out,  and mercifully,  he takes pity on her a moment later.  "you been out there every day this week,"  he shrugs again,  and she's staring because  _how did he know that_ _if he wasn't there_?  and then she's worried that he   _was_   there,  and she'd missed him,  and she can feel the blush blooming brighter over her skin at the thought  -  at the embarrassment of being   _caught_.   

and maybe it's _not_   mercy because he's stepping closer,  right into her personal space,  and if beth found herself breathless _before_ ,  this brings a whole new meaning to the word.  "figured you were lookin' for me."  that brow is raised again in the way that says he already knows her,  knows what she's thinking,  feeling,   _doing_   -  that says she doesn't have to provide any response because he   _knows_   she was looking for him.  

she bristles in protest,  anyway.

"you don't know what you're talking about,"  she huffs again,  and he's only more amused,  as though he'd expected this from her all along.  he steps even closer,  and it's frustrating.  she wants to push him away from her  ( she _swears_ that's what she wants,  swears the way he continues leaning into her isn't making every nerve in her body want to lean into   _him_ ),   but he just reaches for her,  and beth freezes,  wide-eyed,  as he tucks a lock of hair that's escaped her ponytail behind her ear.  he lingers there  -  fingertip brushing along her ear and down her neck,  watching her reaction,  his lips curling up in that smirk again as she stands there in shock,  her pulse racing under his touch.  "if you say so,   _elizabeth_."  

he backs away from her,  and it's so abrupt,  and she hadn't realized just how much she was leaning forward  -  leaning  _toward_   him  -  until he's gone,  and she's left in the lurch.  he glances over his shoulder at her,  winks,  and disappears into the crowd of students still exiting the school.  she exhales,  watching the exodus,  realizing that no more than a minute or two have passed since she stepped out of those doors.  life has continued to move around her while beth's entire world had dropped away,  leaving just two souls in the entire universe,  connected by some strange invisible pull.  she shakes her head,  wonders what's  _wrong_   with her,  and barely registers the way her heart is pounding before ruby is marching up to her with the widest eyes she's ever seen.

"okay,  you have  _got_   to tell me what's going   _on_   with you and that guy?"

she stands there dumbfounded,  feeling a little out of place,  and ruby is saying something but beth isn't registering it.  it takes her several minutes of standing there  -  while her best friend looks at her like she's gone mad  ( maybe she has )  -  before she realizes he'd called her  _elizabeth_.   not beth,  not bethie,  not b  -  all names he might have overheard other people saying if he'd been nearby  -  but elizabeth.  no one,  not even her own mother,  calls her elizabeth.  she swallows thickly realizing she  _still_   hasn't learned  _his_   name.

when she turns with ruby back toward the sidewalk so that they can begin their walk toward the shops,  beth catches sight of dean leaning against the wall,  hands in his pockets,  shooting her a glare so heated,  beth is worried she might  _combust_.   she's saved a moment later when a car pulls up behind him along the bus lane,  and the windows roll down to reveal a few of his friends,  beckoning dean to join them.   while he looks torn,  beth attempts to shoot him the most innocent look she can manage  -  figuring she can deal with  _that_   later  -  and he eventually climbs in with them,  his eyes never leaving her until they've turned the corner.

"that's going to be fun,"  she murmurs,  earning a quizzical look from ruby who had apparently missed the daggers being shot at beth by her boyfriend.  beth shakes her head,  smiles,  and they keep walking. 

"so i was thinking something either pink or red..."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these chapters keep getting longer whoops!  
> as always ~ comments & constructive criticism are welcome !   
> thanks for reading <3


	4. none of your business

_so the moral of this story is_

  
_"who are you to judge?"_

* * *

 

 

in the end,  beth had found a vintage tea-length red dress with a giant bow that sat at the base of an open back that made her blush from head to toe when she tried it on.  despite the conservative front to it,  the back was more revealing than anything she’s ever worn in public,  and had ruby not practically _squealed_ at the sight  - _insisting_ that it was the one  -  beth probably wouldn’t have bought it.   it cost more than she’d wanted to spend,  but a lot less than if she’d gotten a dress at one of the modern boutiques that most girls visited for prom.  this one had been tucked away in the corner of her favorite second-hand shop,  and if ruby’s encouragement hadn’t been enough,  the way the store owner beamed at her confirmed the decision to splurge.

she’d called dean after getting home from the shop,  and  -  as expected  -  he’d had a hundred questions about   _that guy_ who’d been standing with her outside of the school,  and how he’d been so close,  and the way he touched her,  and all of the suspicious things that brewed jealousy within her boyfriend.  beth had insisted she didn’t even _know_ the guy ( which was technically true ) and that it had been _nothing_   ( which was less true ),  but things had been tense between her and dean all week,  and for a while there,  she’d wondered if prom would even _happen_.

now,  a little over a week later,  she runs her fingers over the satin bow of the dress as she walks by the closet door where it’s been hanging.  if she _doesn’t_   go to prom,  it will probably never see the light of day,  and the store had a final sale policy on all formalwear.  her hand lingers at the hem,  and she sighs before heading for the door.

annie is already sitting at the kitchen table,  waiting almost patiently,  when beth enters the room.  they have plans to go to the park,  and even though she’d gotten home fairly early the night before,  she’s feeling sluggish today.  considering  -  and then thinking better of  -  a cup of coffee,  beth lingers for a moment,  ignoring the way annie is practically vibrating out of her seat with excitement.  but if she’d thought her kid sister would go easy on her on this particular saturday morning,  beth had been mistaken. 

“you said we could go at nine,”  she accuses  -  quietly,  as though she’s aware beth isn’t quite awake,  and maybe a softer tone might work better than her usual whiny demands.  “i know,”  she replies,  still not looking at her sister.   “well…”   the way it hangs in the air makes her glance over at annie  -  who is pointing to the clock that sits on the wall over the stove,  and beth sighs.  it reads 8:57am,  and the park is a ten minute walk.   “you didn’t say we would  _leave_   at nine,  beth.   c’mon.”   and there it is,  that reminder that annie is still a little kid,  and little kids convey what they want in petulant tones and piercing wails.  

she’s not prepared for this conversation to take a turn in  _that_  direction,  so she moves to the door to retrieve the shoes she’d kicked off the evening before.  they’re half on  -  her heels pressing into the backs because she’s not feeling quite like untying them and doing the whole thing  -  when annie hops down from the stool and reaches for something on the other side of the couch.  it’s beth’s backpack,  and she shoots her sister a questioning glance.

“what?  you’re gonna wanna do homework,  right?  i grabbed it for you so we don’t waste any more time.”   and it’s the matter-of-fact tone of a kid that thinks she knows everything about the world,  even though she’s still in grade school.  beth rolls her eyes  -  though it’s playful  -  before grabbing the pack by one strap and slinging it over her shoulder.   “okay,  let’s go.”

 

* * *

  

about thirty minutes after arriving at the park,  she’s sitting on the picnic table again,  working on algebra problems,  and her thoughts are plagued with worries about this sort of fight with dean,  what it might mean for prom,  and that little part of her that knows she would be  _kind of_   relieved if things ended between them.   they get along fine  -  most of the time  -  but dating dean means the entire football team comes with him as a packaged deal,  and with _them_ ,  all of their cheerleader girlfriends  ( who mostly rotate around in a way that’s completely confusing to beth ).  she hadn’t realized what she was signing up for when they’d started dating  -  it’s a lot of pressure,  especially considering it’s her first relationship,  and beth sometimes thinks she’s in over her head.

“you got the order of operations wrong.”

she startles violently at the voice cutting through her silent reflections  -  so much so that the book falls right off of her lap and onto the grass beneath the picnic table,  her notebook and pencil case along with it.   how had she been so preoccupied to not even  _notice_   him approach?   and how does he have this uncanny way of startling her so completely?

“can you _please_ stop doing that?”

there’s a tremor in her voice,  and beth still hasn’t looked at him despite now very pointedly feeling his presence beside her.  it’s almost comical that she would have missed it before,  he takes up a space like a shadow  -  looming up and over everything as though his presence is bigger than him.  it _is_ ,  she thinks,  suddenly feeling as though she’s  _surrounded_   by it.

he laughs,  walking around the table so he’s standing in front of her,  and bends over to retrieve the spilled items,  shaking his head all the while. 

“you always so jumpy?”   when he straightens,  he looks her over slowly,  and beth is reminded of the way ruby had described it  -  like he wants to eat her alive.  immediately,  she’s blushing again,  and really wishes she could find a way to turn that  _off_   in his presence  -  he probably thinks she’s _ridiculous_.   

“only when people sneak up on me,”  she fires back,  taking the books and case from his outstretched hands,  and ignoring the way their fingers brush in the process.  it takes her a while to find her page again,  and he interrupts her search by laughing again. 

“nah,  i’m just walkin’ normally,  you so focused someone could probably steal your whole pack and be off before you notice.”   the thought makes her head snap up,  scanning the playground for annie.  she feels more than sees him shake his head again before he reaches out and takes her jaw between his thumb and forefinger,  turning her head toward the swings.  “ _relax_ ,  sweetheart,  she’s right there.”   beth glances up at him with wide eyes,  before feeling suddenly incensed,  and shakes free of his grip. 

“stop  _calling_  me that,  i’m **not** your sweetheart.”  

perhaps unsurprisingly,  he laughs again.  “what you think i should call you,  then?  miss uptight?  girl-who-hangs-out-behind-schools?  jumpy mcgee?”   his amusement grows as fast as her annoyance,  and beth shuts her algebra book again  -  harder than necessary.  “you already know my name  -  i don’t know _how_ ,  by the way  -  so why don’t you start with _beth_?”

he reaches for the books,  pulling them from her grasp so as to set them on the table beside her,  and it’s all beth can do to keep breathing when he steps into her space so that he’s standing between her legs.  he’s just far enough back that they don’t touch,  and she feels somehow frozen in the spot  -  watching him with wide eyes as if any movement on her part might encourage him  ( or worse  -  scare him away ). 

“i know your name,  ‘cause i asked around about you.”   his voice is low and rough when he speaks,  and the sound of it does something to her that she can’t explain,  but she continues just staring at him,  unsure how to respond  -  or even how to  _feel_ about him seeking out information about her.   it seems to cost him nothing to admit something like that  -  that he’d gone out of his way to learn her name after one encounter outside  -  while she can barely make eye contact with him.

it takes her a while to realize she’s breathing heavily,  and that he’s not going to offer anything else. 

“what should i call _you_?”   when _beth_   finally responds,  her own voice comes out high and squeaky and she immediately feels the embarrassment flooding color through her cheeks.   thankfully,  he doesn’t laugh again,  but he does reach a finger up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear in the same way he did outside the school.  “rio,”  he says quietly,  and she repeats it in a whisper.   there’s a smile curling at the side of his mouth,  but his eyes are trained hard on her lips  -  as though he can’t tear them away.

“didn’t see you all week  -  i was startin’ to worry.”   it’s only when she blinks up at him in confusion that beth realizes he’d stopped focusing on her mouth and now that their eyes meet,  he seems to be searching for something in hers. 

“worry?  about me?”   he laughs again,  and it’s not the same as before  -  he’s not laughing  _at her_   -  it’s almost self-deprecating,  and the line between her brows etches deeper as she tries to make sense of it all.   “nah  -  i bet you can take care of yourself,  elizabeth.   was worryin’ that i imagined this thing here.”     he gestures in the small space between them,  first to her,  then back to himself,  and  -  impossibly  -  beth’s eyes widen even further.

“i – i have a boyfriend,”  she stammers,  and he doesn’t seem fazed by the revelation,  merely tilts his head to the side as if he’s studying a particularly difficult problem.  for her part,  words continue to pour unbidden from beth's lips.   “that’s why i haven’t been outside,  and i mean  -  you know  -  why there’s _nothing_ here.”    she mimics his motions,  gesturing between the two of them,  and looks off to the side.   he reaches up to fit a knuckle under her chin,  lifting it so that she practically  _has to_   look up at him again.  

“nah,  there’s   _somethin’_.”   he leans,  and she feels herself leaning closer at the same time,  tells herself he’s pulling her with that finger beneath her chin  ( knows it’s a lie ).   for a moment,  beth is absolutely sure he’s going to kiss her,  and she thinks she’s never wanted anything so much in her life.

as if the only purpose had been to prove a  _point_ ,  his hand drops and he steps back,  expression suddenly closed off as if he’d pulled a shutter down over his face to hide the open honesty that had been there moments before.  she exhales a breath that had gotten caught in her throat while he was touching her,  and she’s still trying to tell her heart to stop pounding so loudly when he looks like he’s about to turn and leave.   she wants to throw an arm out and stop him,  tell him to wait  -  but _then_ what?   as seems to be his talent,  he can apparently read this conflict all over her face,  and he  -  _rio_ ,  she reminds herself  -  shakes his head.  

“nah,  i’m not playing games here,  elizabeth.  come see me when you done lyin’ to yourself.”

he’s gone before she can ask him _how_ she can come see him when she doesn’t know _where_ he is except when he’s right beside her.

 

it's not until she's walking annie back home later that beth realizes she probably should have reiterated the whole   _boyfriend_   thing,  rather than worrying about how to see him again.

 

* * *

 

“you saw him again.”

it’s not a question,  but a statement,  and beth tries to feign innocence when she looks up from her notes to see ruby staring at her.  knowing her just about as well as anyone,  her best friend is already shaking her head.

“nope,  no way,  don’t even _start_ with me,  beth.  annie told me he showed up at the park.”  ruby sinks into the chair next to beth and lowers her voice after the librarian shoots a glare in their direction.  they have a big test coming up in history,  and beth had  _thought_   a study session during their one mutual free period would be helpful for  _both_   of them  -  now she’s regretting it.

“i mean,  he just sort of…  _showed up_.”   a shrug,  because he _had_ ,  and she looks back at the book she’s been taking notes from,  dragging the tip of her index finger over the page as she pretends to read silently. 

“uh huh,  and when he _showed up_ and started touching your face – “   beth looks up again,  already making plans to murder annie when she gets home.  “ - i’m assuming you told him about your  _boyfriend_   who’s a _senior_   and on the  _football_   team?”   she  _had_   told him about dean,  but what ruby’s implying makes her laugh.  dean is bigger than rio  -  taller,  more muscular  -  but somehow beth is absolutely sure if it came down to a  _fight_ ,  dean wouldn’t be the winner.  

“i _did_ tell him,”    she shrugs,  but ruby’s shaking her head again.     “look,  i know you and dean have been having a rough week,  but i mean that boy is head over heels  _in love_  with you, b. -  it’s written all over his face  -  and you’ve only been dating for like a  _month_.”    she settles a hand over beth’s shoulder and beth frowns at it.   “i’m just saying.  don’t throw it away for some guy you don’t even _know_.”   

she doesn’t say the words,  but ruby knows beth's situation,  knows that while other kids can't wait to finish high school and move onto bigger and better things,  beth has to worry about supporting her kid sister  -  and she has no clue where to  _start_.

so while ruby doesn't  _say_   them,  beth can almost hear them ringing in her own ears.

_you can’t afford to lose him_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i envision the prom dress sorta like [this one](https://www.dhresource.com/260x260s/f2-albu-g6-M00-C6-8F-rBVaR1qwuX2AFPL0AAHvz5uRoPo432.jpg/red-tea-length-ball-gown-prom-dresses-with.jpg).
> 
> thanks for reading! as always, comments/concrit are appreciated <3


	5. desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she can already feel her own lips twitch, wanting to give away her act of stubbornness, wanting to reveal that she enjoys this...thing between them just as much as he does. she bites down on her lower lip, instead, so as to stop it from spreading. 
> 
> it's the wrong move, she realizes soon enough, because his hand still lingers by her ear, and he clocks the movement, almost immediately sliding the pad of his thumb along her jaw, to her chin, and using it to tug her lip free. her whole body sparks from the contact, and while they're not touching anywhere else - his other hand hangs free at his side, hers are still grasping the sides of her sweater, there are several inches between them so they don't press against one another - it feels as though he's touching her everywhere, like this is the most intimate thing she's ever done.

_do your eyes move towards the flame_  
_when temptation comes your way_

* * *

 

in the week leading up to prom, beth does not venture outside during sixth period even a single time. she tells herself it's because she doesn't want to see him - she _does_   have a boyfriend,  after all  -  but the truth is that the whole thing is torture, she's just stubborn enough to endure it.

that doesn't stop her from reliving the way he touched her face, or the way her name sounded when he said it, or his bold admission that he'd been asking around about her.  beth still can't figure out why he'd be interested in the _first place_ ,  and a part of her is so sure he's just messing with her that it helps in her plan to stay away.  it doesn't stop her from dreaming about him almost every night,  though,  and daydreaming about him when she's awake,  and she really needs to get a hold of herself because this guy  -   _rio_ , a tiny voice in the back of her head that sounds like  _him_   reminds  -  has become such a distraction in so short a time and she knows   _nothing_   about him.

"earth to bethie!"

dean's voice breaks her from her thoughts at lunch on friday,  and she turns to shoot him a sheepish smile.  "sorry, i must have zoned out, what were you saying?"  he gives her a look of mild impatience,  but covers it up quickly with a smile,  taking her hand in his.  "i _said_ ,  my dad is letting me take the mustang tomorrow night,  i was thinking i'd pick you up around six and we can meet everyone at the restaurant?"   there's a hopeful look on his face,  and she's glad they're somewhat back to normal after fighting the week before.  the rest of his friends are sharing a limo,  the girls meeting at jessica's to get ready beforehand,  but beth hadn't been invited,  and she's just fine with that.  earlier in the week she'd had been horrified when dean said he was going to make jess invite her along,  seemingly miffed that she'd been excluded.  she had stopped that thought right in its tracks,  assuring him that she'd prefer to get ready at home,  and sweetly promising that she would have a much better time if it was just the two of them.  he'd beamed at her,  then -  mistaking her aversion to spending time with the cheerleaders as a desire to have some alone time with him  -  but she'd compromised by agreeing to dinner with everyone. 

she's only partially regretting it now,  as they all stare at her expectantly. 

beth usually eats lunch with ruby  -  the upperclassmen having their own lunch period  -  but with the prom committee meeting during lunch to work on the gym,  the school had shoved everyone into one lunch period for this one day.  it's a little crowded,  but dean had been thrilled about the opportunity for them to eat lunch together,  for once.  his friends,  however,  are another story.   "yeah,  that sounds great!"   she knows she's overdoing it,  can hear it in her voice,  but dean seems pleased enough,  and squeezes her hand before turning back to continue planning with his friends.  it all fades into a soft and unintelligible hum in the background as beth checks out of the conversation once more.  she's excited for prom  -  she really is  -  but she's been pushing the idea of what happens  _after_   to the back of her mind for weeks,  and now it's the day before and there's a quiet panic rising in her chest.  

she doesn't have anyone to talk to about this stuff  -  her mom isn't exactly an option,  ruby and stan are barely past the holding hands stage,  and it's not like beth has any other options other than  _dean_ ,  and the thought of telling him how nervous she really is mortifies her.  health class has spent more time telling them why they shouldn't have sex than explaining what to expect if they do,  and the pre-prom assembly had been more of the same  -  warnings against how life-ruining teen sex can be.  not exactly the most helpful of resources.  sometimes beth wishes she'd spent more time making friends in school than worrying about taking care of things at home.  nothing to be done about it now.

* * *

"it's gotta be like,   _instinct_ ,  right?" 

beth is blushing so hard she thinks she might actually turn into a tomato.   it's not the conversation that's the problem  -  she's discussed her concerns with ruby before  -  it's the fact that she's at  _work_ ,  and ruby is standing outside the window where literally any customer could walk up and hear her.  "can you just... come in here?"   beth tilts her head to indicate the side door,  and meets ruby there a few seconds later.  she's closing tonight,  so she's the only one at the little dairy queen,  the manager having already left,  and there's no one to see her sneaking ruby in.  besides,  she's pretty sure she'd prefer the scolding over the humiliation of shouting this conversation through the window.  once they're both inside,  beth leans against the wall,  leaving the window open so she can hear if anyone approaches. 

"like i was  _saying_ ,"  ruby continues with mock annoyance,  rolling her eyes as though beth's embarrassment is utterly ridiculous.  "you guys have been doing  _other stuff_ ,  right?  i mean,  your body probably knows what to do even if  _you_ don't."  

it's a logical question,  beth thinks,  and she lets her mind wander back to the other times her and dean have fooled around.  she hadn't ever  _kissed_   anyone before him  ( unless she counts a game of spin-the-bottle back in fifth grade when she'd had to kiss scott grant,  but beth does her best to  _not_   count that one )  and they'd figured that out together.  so could this really be that much different?  she huffs out a sigh.  "i don't know.  i basically freeze up every time he tries to put his hands down my pants,  like my body is rejecting the idea."

at the very moment those words leave her lips,  she hears a throat clear,  and just about hits her head from jumping at the shock of the sound,  having not heard any approaching footsteps on the gravel outside.  it's some kind of karmic joke,  she thinks,  it  _has to be_ ,  because she sees ruby's eyes widen,  and beth knows before she even turns to the source of the sound that it's him.  the only thing worse would be if she turned and saw  _dean_   standing there,  having heard that confession.  but  _no_ ,  she thinks,  as she finally turns to find rio smirking at her,  this is much worse.

her face feels hot,  like she's been standing under a heat lamp,  but  -  despite knowing it's probably beet red  -  beth does her very best to plaster on a smile.  "hi!  what can i get for you?"  ruby scoffs behind her,  and she knows she's overdoing it,  but the  _last thing_   she's going to do is acknowledge him as anything more than a regular customer right now,  especially knowing he  _probably_   heard everything.  

"yeah,  can i get a blizzard  -  small,  cookie dough?"   he's playing along,  but his eyes are sparkling like he's daring her to break the act,  and beth refuses to give him the satisfaction.  "sure!  just a minute."

she slides the window down and leans back against it for a minute,  and ruby is just shaking her head.  "girl,  is he like  _stalking_   you?"   beth swallows hard,  shrugs,  and moves to begin making the ice cream.  it's helpful  -  a little bit  -  in calming her nerves,  having something to do with her hands always is.  it's one of the reasons she taught herself to bake,  and it's no different while she's at work  ( plus there's the added bonus of getting paid to do it ).  "do you think he heard that?"  she doesn't look up at ruby when she whispers the question,  afraid of seeing the answer written across her friend's face.  "oh,  he heard it.  did you see his face?"  beth groans,  finishing up his order and sighing before turning back to the window.  she doesn't see him at first,  but when she slides it open,  he appears from the side,  still looking a little too satisfied for her liking.  beth smiles again  -  a little strained this time  -  and holds the blizzard out through the window,  tipping it upside down to demonstrate that it's so thick it won't slide out.  he takes it from her with a nod,  and beth mutters a quick thank you before backing away and shutting the window again. 

"what am i gonna do,  i mean -"  she's working on a thought that will shift the topic back to dean  -  ready to adamantly ignore the whole rio situation  -  when there's a tap behind her,  and she whirls around to see him at the window again,  his brows up as he stares at her expectantly.  maybe it's frazzled nerves,  maybe it's something else,  but beth slams the window up a little too hard,  and she's lost the customer service politeness of before.  "what do you  _want_ ,  rio?"   this earns her a laugh,  and she huffs in response before he holds up his other hand  -  the one not clutched around the blizzard.  in it is a five dollar bill.  "relax,  darlin',  i just wanted to  _pay_   for it."   if beth had thought she couldn't get any redder,  she'd been mistaken.  and if that wasn't enough,  he drags his gaze over her from head to toe and back again,  a slow grin spreading across his lips.  " -  i mean,  unless you want me to pay you in some  _other_   way."   ruby gasps from somewhere behind her,  and beth shoots her a wide-eyed look over her shoulder that's something between  _shh_   and  _what the hell do i do_.  of course,  she gets little more than a shrug in response,  and beth turns back to the window.  

"don't be gross,"  she lands on,  taking the money from his hand with a scoff,  slipping it in the register,  and handing him his change.  if he's put off by her words,  it doesn't show on his face.  but it can't be that easy,  either,  not after she's already humiliated herself,  so beth is only mildly surprised when he accepts his change by covering her whole hand with his,  holding onto it as she stares at him indignantly.  "i thought you weren't playing games,"  she huffs out,  and could swear he flinches ever so slightly.  but it happens so quickly,  and he recovers immediately  -  smirking again  -  that beth thinks she might have imagined it.  he still doesn't release her hand. 

"you off soon?"  this is so far from what she'd expected to come out of his mouth,  that she stares at him  -  speechless.  her lips part as if a response wants to come out,  but there's no sound,  and he's staring at her so intently that beth almost forgets ruby is even there until her friend's voice sounds too loudly from behind her.   "she's off in fifteen,  loverboy,  you wanna let go of her hand now so she can close up?"   he blinks,  gaze snapping to where ruby must be glaring at him from over beth's shoulder,  and he lets go with a frown.  it doesn't last,  and beth has come to realize that he rarely ever looks anything but impassive unless he looks amused  -  like he's laughing at her  -  and as if on cue,  his lips curl into a slight smile as he takes a step back and away from the window,  clearly not letting ruby's tone get to him.  "see you then."

he barely gets the words out before beth is closing the window,  whirling around to pin her so-called  _best friend_  with a look of utter horror.  " _she's off in fifteen, loverboy_?  what the hell,  ruby?  what happened to wanting me to stay away from him?"  ruby's hands come up in front of her,  as if in surrender,  but her eyes are filled with amusement.  "are you kidding me,  beth?  that boy is practically  _following_   you at this point,  you gotta  _at least_   find out what he wants."  her brows are high,  lips pursed once she's done speaking,  and beth throws her hands up in defeat.  "okay,  i'll just humor the stalker."   this is met with a roll of ruby's eyes,  but beth presses on.  "seriously,  though,  you  _know_   what he wants."   she can feel the flush crawling back up her face as she remembers the way he'd looked her over,  and it felt like he was touching rather than just looking.  beth flusters a little,  shaking her head.  "and i already told him i have a boyfriend,  so,"  a shrug,  and she grabs the rag from the counter nearby,  beginning her end-of-night cleanup.  "i'm not really sure what else there is to talk about." 

ruby stops her with a hand on her shoulder,  all seriousness in her eyes.  "i know what i said,  okay?  but there's something like... crazy heated between you two,  i was about to grab a fire extinguisher."  beth rolls her eyes but ruby isn't done talking.  "i'm serious,  b.  you and dean are supposed to still be in that honeymoon stage but i never seen you look at him like  _that_."   and she can't help it,  the way her eyes go to the window,  as if she's expecting to see rio there.  he's not there,  but she can sort of see his silhouette over by the picnic table that sits to the side.  the blue of twilight is beginning to pour over the sky,  and she knows that it'll be closer to dark by the time she gets out,  already he's just more than a shadow with an eerie glow cast around him from the lights in the parking lot.  something settles in her chest as she looks at him,  and she'd think it was the beginning of another panic attack,  but has a sneaking suspicion that it's much worse than that.

"see?  you're like in another world when he's around,  might as well stop freezing him out so the rest of us aren't trying to compete for your attention even when he's  _not_   around."   beth huffs,  because it's unfair.  it's unfair for her best friend to accuse her of being more into this guy she  _doesn't even know_   than whatever conversation is going on between them at any given time.  it's unfair for her to push beth into this situation when she'd already told him in no uncertain terms that she's  _taken_.  it's unfair that her nerves are dancing some staccato rhythm that makes her hands tremble and her heart race every time she glances over at him through the window.  it's unfair that she glances over at him so many times,  bringing her to the conclusion that's the most unfair part of the whole thing  -  ruby's right.  

"okay."  she sighs,  defeated,  running the wet rag over each of the surfaces inside the small space,  and pointedly avoiding ruby's gaze.  "i'll talk to him,  but only so it gets you off of my back."   they both know she's lying,  so what's the harm in it?  ruby scoffs,  and beth turns to glare at her.  it doesn't hold much weight,  breaking into a smile soon after,  and she jerks her head toward the little closet by the door.  "wanna grab a broom and make yourself useful,  or do you just plan on watching and criticizing my love life?"  ruby's brows shoot up as if she's about to give some disgruntled retort,  but they both start laughing uncontrollably before ruby concedes and grabs the broom from the closet.  they're still laughing as they finish cleaning up,  and neither one notices the way rio turns toward the sound of laughter,  watching thoughtfully.

* * *

 

they're stepping outside of the building,  beth turning to lock up,  when ruby gets serious again,  leaning in close to whisper.  "want me to hang around?  you know..."  her head nods toward where rio still sits,  though they can't see him from around the corner of the building,  and beth frowns for a moment,  her movements hesitant as she asks herself if she's worried.  after a pause,  she turns the key in the lock and shrugs.  "i'll be fine,  we're just going to talk,  like you said."   ruby looks at her a little skeptically,  and beth is about to point out that this whole thing had been her idea from the start,  when she apparently gives up on any protest and shrugs. 

"hate you." 

"hate your face."

and they turn in opposite directions.  ruby toward home,  beth rounding the corner to the parking lot out front. 

but it's  -   she looks around,  puzzled,  from one corner to the other  ( it isn't a very large parking lot,  after all ),  to the picnic table,  back behind her where the door to the building is,  but nope  it's  -  empty. 

and of course it's empty.  of course the moment she concedes to have a conversation with him  -  her...  stalker,  or whatever he is  -  he disappears. 

beth groans in frustration,  throwing her hands up in the air for no one to witness,  and pulls her sweater a little more tightly around her shoulders.  she'd planned on talking to him,  and then  -  assuming things wouldn't end in her screaming at him or something equally volatile  -  asking him to walk her home.  suddenly,  the idea of walking home alone in the dark  -  without him,  without ruby  -  seems to bear down on her,  and beth wishes she'd have ridden her bike.  it had just been such a nice day,  that she'd enjoyed the walk  _to_   work,  and figured she'd enjoy the walk home just as much.  of course she hadn't thought through the the fact that it would be so dark by the time she got off work.

that pressure is building in her chest again,  pressing against her ribcage in a demanding way,  and beth is just about to say screw it and start on her walk,  ignoring the panic,  when -

"you goin' somewhere?"

she startles,  but relief floods through her in the very same moment,  and she huffs out a breath that shudders on its way,  deteriorating into nervous laughter before she can rein it in.

"i thought you left,"  she turns,  searching for the place where his voice had come from,  finding him leaning against the building casually.  he hadn't been there a moment before,  she knows that,  but right now it looks like he's been built into the siding,  like he belongs there.  she's immediately annoyed,  and he's apparently amused.  "and miss out on our little talk?  nah,  just had some business to take care of." 

beth has no idea what kind of   _business_   a teenage boy would need to  'take care of'  outside of a dairy queen at eight o'clock at night,  and she'd probably use this opportunity to ask exactly that,  if he wasn't already pushing off of the building and walking toward her  -  closing the distance in a few quick strides,  so swiftly that his proximity seems to steal the words right from her mouth.  this seems to amuse him even further,  because he chuckles lowly,  shaking his head at her as though she's some kind of strange puzzle and he's enjoying the hell out of putting her together.

"what do you want?"  beth asks finally,  cursing the way her voice seems to betray her,   and he looks her up and down in that same sinful way that makes her wish she could disappear rather than let the proof of her reaction manifest across her skin in deep red tones.  he licks his lips once he's done with his scrutiny,  and she only realizes she's staring at them when one corner curls up in that signature way,  causing her eyes to snap up to his.  "seriously,"  she tries again,  amazed that she sounds a little steadier this time,  a little less like the unraveling mess she seems to be.  "what do you  _want_?"  

his lips purse,  as though he's considering the question  -  like it hadn't occurred to him before  -  and then he reaches out,  tucks her hair behind her ear,  and smiles.   it's a strange sight,  and it tugs at something in her chest  ( and also something much lower ),  like she's getting her first glimpse at him  -  the real him  -  and beth can't seem to look away.  she can already feel her own lips twitch,  wanting to give away her act of stubbornness,  wanting to reveal that she enjoys this ...   _thing_   between them just as much as he does.  she bites down on her lower lip,  instead,  so as to stop it from spreading.   

it's the wrong move,  she realizes soon enough,  because his hand still lingers by her ear,  and he clocks the movement,  almost immediately sliding the pad of his thumb along her jaw,  to her chin,  and using it to tug her lip free.  her whole body sparks from the contact,  and while they're not touching anywhere else  -  his other hand hangs free at his side,  hers are still grasping the sides of her sweater,  there are several inches between them so they don't press against one another  -  it feels as though he's touching her everywhere,  like this is the most intimate thing she's ever done. 

his eyes are locked on her lips,  and beth realizes she's been holding her breath,  the exhalation seeming to snap him out of some trance,  and he looks back up,  meeting her eyes.   there's something wild in them,  like he's asking her a silent question but is seemingly   _terrified_   of the answer.  she almost has to laugh at that,  because they're both caught in this together,  and a hundred thoughts speed through her mind as their gazes lock like that for what feels like ages.  these thoughts form into shapes of dean,  and annie,  and ruby,  of futures,  and responsibilities,  and  _mistakes_.  but they also shift into wants,  and desires,  and maybe a little bit of selfishness.   and maybe it is a mistake,  maybe she'll regret it later,  but beth is fully aware of what she's doing when the resolve becomes clear in her eyes just before she answers that unspoken question with the slightest nod of her head.

that's all it takes,  and his hand doesn't move from her face,  the other immediately wrapping around her waist as he crushes her against him,  his lips finding hers in something that can only be called desperation.  

and  _oh_ ,  she thinks,  as her body seems to melt against his,  her lips parting for him automatically,  and a sound escaping that she's never heard from her own throat.   _oh_ ,  ruby had been _right_   -  it _is_   instinct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is anyone surprised that they're terrible communicators in every iteration?
> 
> anyway i know i'm terrible. there will be more to this scene, don't worry.  
> and also the consequences of it.  
> *cue evil laughter*


	6. written in the water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she tries to stutter out excuses even though it’s obvious they won’t be enough, but he’s pushing away from the door — away from her — so fast she has whiplash. “nah, you tried to tell me, right? you got a boyfriend, and this — ” he motions between them in that same way he’d done once before. “ — s’all in my head, yeah? you just, what, humorin’ me back there?”
> 
> the breath catches in her throat when he leans back in — too close, the air between them taking on a new quality, charged in a way that’s not about their attraction, but his fury. it feels too thick, and she gulps down a breath, meeting his gaze stubbornly. he laughs at her — unkindly, eyes filled with cold amusement — and pushes away again. she knows there's an air of finality in it, in the way his shoulders square, the way that shutter comes down over his features, the way he shifts into a different persona entirely, and where she hadn't really known the other version of him, this one is a complete stranger.

_give me one kiss for the road,  boy_

_i guess it's time i let you go_

* * *

 

“yo,  isn’t that your girl?”  james is saying, and dean barely hears him over the sound of the blood rushing to his ears,  the anger settling uncomfortably in his gut and wanting to force its way out of him in a violent manner.  

 

the problem is,  his rage had been directed at this _guy_ with his paws all over dean’s girlfriend.  he’d been prepared to jump out of the still-moving car and teach him a lesson with his fists,  to show him what happens when you touch what belongs to dean boland. but as he sat there watching  —  seemingly unable to tear his eyes _away_    —   he’d realized that beth was playing a willing part in this betrayal,  and that revelation had hit him like a gut punch. truth be told, he’s not sure what to do about it now.

 

he doesn’t respond to james beyond a frustrated grumble before pressing his foot a little harder on the gas.  he’ll deal with all of that later.

 

* * *

 

 

she thinks,   not exactly coherently,   that eons might have passed once beth manages to pry herself away in response to the burning insistence of her lungs.  the world outside of this little bubble that they’ve created around their bodies seems to have somehow changed  —  the lights in the parking lot shining a little brighter,   the sounds of the city in the distance echoing a little louder. or maybe nothing has changed beyond the two of them, but beth has certainly felt a shift in perspective, maybe a shift in every molecule that makes up her being.  her eyes are wide as she looks up at him, wondering if _he’s_   changed,  too. wondering if she’s alone in this confusing revelation that hasn’t quite led her to understanding.

 

he looks different,  she thinks, softer maybe.   his eyes stare down at her, darker than ever,  seemingly wanting to bore right through her skin and into her soul.  beth shivers a little beneath his gaze, and as she opens her mouth to say something  —  she’s not even sure _what_    —  he stops her with his own.

 

this time it isn’t a crash as much as a slow and deliberate joining of lips.  if the first had caught her off guard with its intensity, somehow this one blows it out of the water.   there’s a quiet sound that beth realizes belatedly has come from somewhere in the back of her throat as she winds her arms around his neck and he pulls her closer in every sense  —  one hand slipping into her hair while the other arm wraps around her waist and holds her against him so that there’s no space between them. lips part, tongues tease, and _god_   she’s been such an idiot about this whole thing,  telling him there’s nothing between them when _this_ is everything. 

 

“you thinkin’ too much,”  he mumbles against her lips as he pulls away only enough to allow breath between them.  they’re still wrapped up in one another in a way that makes her dizzy, and she almost missed the fact that he’s walking them backwards until her back presses against the outer wall of the dairy queen,  and his arm slips free from around her waist, caging her in when it finds a place next to her head instead.  she feels as though he’s bracing himself for something,  but beth hasn’t even begun to catch her breath when he lifts an eyebrow,  reminding her that he’d spoken.

 

“uh,  what?”   she sort of stammers it out and he laughs but it’s low and breathy and reaches right into her body and sets her on fire all over again.  her brain hasn’t quite caught up to what’s funny and the way his fingertips sort of stroke along the back of her neck isn’t really helping.  “i mean, i wasn’t?”  it sounds dubious,  like a question,  like she doesn’t really believe herself either,  and rio just shakes his head,  pressing his body against hers so that she’s pinned between him and the wall and oh,  _oh_ ,  right  —  they’re still outside where anyone can see,  and suddenly beth is extremely self conscious of the whole thing.

 

“nah,  you don’t get to do that,”   he’s saying,  his hand trailing from her hair to her cheek to slot a knuckle under her chin and force her to look up at him.   again, he’s pegged her emotions before even she has had a chance to make sense of them,  and it leaves her reeling.  “you don’t get to act all shy suddenly after _that_.”   

 

the way he says it in that dreamy sort of rasp makes her brows knit in confusion.  like she’s some kind of skilled participant in this thing between them rather than a girl just blindly following his lead and letting her own wants and needs take control.  but then she looks at him,   _really_   looks at him  —  sees the way his eyes are half lidded,  the way his lips are red and swollen,  the way his chest is rising and falling like he still hasn’t managed to catch his breath.  and _she_   did that  —  beth,  the girl who can barely keep her head above water in any aspect of her life had managed to make this boy,  who’s so full of confidence and wears his cockiness like a badge of honor,  she’d made him look at her in awe,  like she’s something special.  

 

she huffs out a breath,  about to protest anyway,   when the bells of a local church ring out to tell them it’s half-past eight o’clock,  and rio’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second and he swears under his breath before sighing in frustration,  pushing off of the wall and holding out a hand.

 

“c’mon,  i’ll walk you home,  gotta be somewhere.”

 

the thing is,  her brain is so fogged up with the events of the last fifteen minutes or so that beth doesn’t have the wherewithal to inquire as to where he might have to _be_.  she assumes _home_ ,  like maybe he has a nine o’clock curfew on school nights or something,   she’s heard of that,  stricter parents than hers  ( which,  of course,  means any parent who actually gets out of bed long enough to  _parent_ ,  but details )  who don’t want their kids out after dark.  it doesn’t matter, she barely gives him a quizzical look before taking his hand,  and they’re only halfway down the block when it hits her.

 

“wait,  how do you know where i live?”  her voice cuts through the silence that had settled between them  —  comfortably,  she notes  —  and he returns the question with a laugh that catches her off guard after the seriousness he’d displayed not five minutes before. 

 

“told you  —  i asked around.”   he shrugs,  and his tone is casual and unconcerned about her question,  like this is the most normal thing in the world.  she shakes her head.

 

“don’t you think that’s a little,  i don’t know, _creepy_?”

 

he laughs even harder this time,  and it’s difficult to not get caught up in it,  to not let her own lips curl up in a smile because  —  like his presence  —  his laughter is big and takes up so much space that she almost feels like she’s looking at a different person now.  he stops in his tracks,  forcing her to do the same,  and uses his free hand to tuck her hair behind her ear.  there’s a hum that serves as preamble to whatever response he’s preparing,  but he just shakes his head instead,  and somehow she’s lost the will to question it further.

 

so they keep walking until they get to her neighborhood,  and she’s not exactly surprised when he leads them right up to her house,  only releasing her hand so that beth can retrieve the house keys from her backpack. the moment they’re in hand,   though,  he has her pressed against the door,  taking her breath away in the process.   this time,  the kiss is barely a brush of his lips and then he trails them along her jaw,  to her ear,  making her squirm with want in a way that she’s never experienced before.   “can i see you tomorrow?”  his whisper is torturous,  and she nearly gasps when his teeth nip at her ear before he’s pulling away,  once again leaving her reeling.

 

“uh,  i don’t — ”    she has to swallow down a wave of emotions as reality begins to crash over her.  _tomorrow_   is prom.  tomorrow she will be dressing up in the most expensive outfit she’s ever owned to spend the evening  —  and night  —  with _dean_.  and oh,  _dean_ .  how does she go back to playing happy little girlfriend with dean after  _this_?    “ — tomorrow doesn’t really work for me.”

 

it takes a moment,   but it’s uncomfortably obvious the instant realization hits him.  it looks as though there’s been some physical force pressed against his chest by the way he seems to flinch back from her.  all the warmth,  all the desire that had been living out in the open,  reflecting back from his eyes,  it’s all gone immediately,  covered by something cold and angry.

 

“this some sorta joke,  elizabeth?”  it’s menacing,  _dangerous_ ,  and she can feel herself flinching back from it as though his anger is a tangible thing and if she gets too close it might _hurt_.   but he doesn’t allow it,  doesn’t allow her to shrink away.   he’s looming over her to the point where her neck strains as she peers up at him.    “you gonna go to prom with the q-b and pretend none ‘o this ever happened?”  

 

she tries to stutter out excuses even though it’s obvious they won’t be enough,   but then he’s pushing away from the door  —  away from her  —  so fast she has whiplash.   “nah, you tried to tell me, right? you got a boyfriend, and this — ”   he motions between them in that same way he’d done once before.    “ —  s’all in my head,  yeah?  you just, what, humorin’ me back there?”

 

the breath catches in her throat when he leans back in  —  too close,  the air between them taking on a new quality,  charged in a way that’s not about their attraction, but his fury.  it feels too thick,  and she gulps down a breath,  meeting his gaze stubbornly.    he laughs at her  —  unkindly,  eyes filled with cold amusement  —  and pushes away again.  she knows there's an air of finality in it,  in the way his shoulders square,  the way that shutter comes down over his features,  the way he shifts into a different persona entirely,  and where she hadn't really  _known_   the other version of him,  this one is a complete stranger.

 

“rio,  i — ”    but he’s already turning his back on her,  walking down her steps in a haste with which she cannot fault him,  but the absence of him stings all the same.  

 

“see you around,  elizabeth,”   he calls over his shoulder in a voice that sounds more like a warning than a promise,  and she all but sobs as she fumbles for her keys,  suddenly needing to be inside and under her own roof and free from the cool air of evening against her too-heated skin. 

 

it takes her several minutes to get the key in the door,  turn it,  and push through to the entry way. closing and locking it behind her,  she presses her back to the wood, leaning her head back hard against it,  and sighs long and drawn out as she fights the sting of tears at the corners of her eyes.

 

how had she made such a mess in such a short time?   how had she gone through such a range of emotions just since closing down the store?   it feels as though she’s gained and lost something important in a span of less than an hour and somehow the hole left behind is so demanding in its presence that she can’t believe so little time has passed.

 

 _eons_ ,  she thinks again,  _ages_.   she is a different person now than she was an hour ago,  how she’s aged,  how she’s grown,  how she’s lost.

 

beth is still reflecting on all she has to mourn when she rounds the corner to enter the kitchen,  _screams_ ,  and drops her backpack and keys on the floor.

 

“jesus christ dean,  you scared the shit out of me.”

 

her heart is beating so rapidly as she attempts to catch her breath that she doesn’t notice the look on his face,  or the way his hands are clenched into fists,  or the broken vase that lies in pieces on the floor at his feet.   she barely notices anything beyond his presence sitting at the kitchen island until he speaks,  and the anger there is something she’s never seen from him before.

 

“is this why you won’t have sex with me?”    he seethes,  and her head snaps up to look at him,  confusion washing over her.  his eyes pin her in place with accusation.   “because you’re already too busy screwing around with the local drug dealer?”

 

she doesn't know how he knows,  doesn't know what he'd seen,  and she  -  she knows there are more important parts of this question.   she knows she should be denying the _screwing around_ part  ( really,  it was just a kiss.  or,  well,   a few kisses ),  should be reassuring her boyfriend of all of the things that boys need to hear.  she knows she should be making promises and apologies and making it _right_.  but instead,  beth’s mouth gapes open,  eyes wide, and the first thing that comes out of her mouth is apparently what her brain had deemed most important.

 

“ _drug dealer_?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry this took so long. i got a little discouraged because someone is writing a very similar story, updating it faster, and their twist even turned out to be the same as what i was planning for this one. so i considered abandoning this fic but instead i took some time, re-worked my plans for this story a bit, and i'm back now so!
> 
> comments/concrit/requests always welcome! i'm hoping to have a more consistent update schedule going forward.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first multi-chapter fic in over five years...  
> please leave comments/concrit and let me know what you think!


End file.
